Tuesday, March 24, 2015

I've got a Nose for Love

I fell in love for the first time when I was a freshman in high school. I knew it was the Real Thing because the emotion inspired in me a hormonal surge that sprouted a zit on the very tip of my nose the size of which had, to my knowledge, never been seen before within the city limits.

The target of my affection, a man who was very beautiful, a little dangerous, and very, very gay, was duly impressed at this visual manifestation of my feelings for him--so much so that he drew a happy face on it with a black felt-tipped art pen. 

We named her Bertha. Bertha the Love Zit.

Thus began a tradition of naming my most spectacular blemishes. So allow me to introduce you to today's special guest, Glenda. 

Glenda must have heard that I'll be seeing The Breakfast Club on the big screen next week and assumed it was 1985, because it's been a while since I've seen the likes of her. This is only Day 1, so she'll prolly be extra sexy when I go back to teach tomorrow. Go for the gold, Glenda! There are 80 kids in my first class, and you don't want the ones in the back row to miss you!